Love for Imperfect Things
How to Accept Yourself in a World Striving for Perfection
(Sprache: Englisch)
Susan Cain, New York Times bestselling author of Quiet: "The world could surely use a little more love, a little more compassion, and a little more wisdom. In Love for Imperfect Things, Haemin Sunim shows us how to cultivate all three, and to find...
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Susan Cain, New York Times bestselling author of Quiet: "The world could surely use a little more love, a little more compassion, and a little more wisdom. In Love for Imperfect Things, Haemin Sunim shows us how to cultivate all three, and to find beauty in the most imperfect of things--including your very own self."A #1 internationally bestselling book of spiritual wisdom about learning to love ourselves, with all our imperfections, by the Buddhist author of The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down
Hearing the words "be good to yourself first, then to others" was like being struck by lightning.
Many of us respond to the pressures of life by turning inward and ignoring problems, sometimes resulting in anxiety or depression. Others react by working harder at the office, at school, or at home, hoping that this will make ourselves and the people we love happier. But what if being yourself is enough? Just as we are advised on airplanes to take our own oxygen first before helping others, we must first be at peace with ourselves before we can be at peace with the world around us.
In this beautiful follow-up to his international bestseller The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down, Zen Buddhist monk Haemin Sunim turns his trademark wisdom to the art of self-care, arguing that only by accepting yourself--and the flaws that make you who you are--can you have compassionate and fulfilling relationships with your partner, your family, and your friends. With more than thirty-five full-color illustrations, Love for Imperfect Things will appeal to both your eyes and your heart, and help you learn to love yourself, your life, and everyone in it.
When you care for yourself first, the world begins to find you worthy of care.
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Chapter OneSelf-Care
When we become kinder to ourselves,
we can become kinder to the world.
Were you one of those children who were praised for being good ? Did youthen try hard to be good by obeying parents, teachers, or older relatives? Even if sometimes it was hard, you learned not to complain and bore it quietly? And now that you're an adult, do you still feel a responsibility to do your best with whatever you're entrusted with? Are you constantly making an effort not to disturb or be a burden on others? But when there's someone who makes things difficult for you, you try just to ignore it or put up with it, because it is not in your nature to do or say something that can potentially hurt someone or make someone feel uncomfortable?
I have met many good people who suffer from depression, panic attacks, and other emotional disorders due to difficult human relationships. Such people tend to be gentle, well-mannered, and solicitous of others. They are the kind of self-sacrificing person who will habitually put other people's wishes before their own. Why, I wondered, do such good people often fall victim to mental and emotional suffering?
I, too, was introverted and meek as a child, and so was often praised for being good. A good son who wouldn't give his parents any trouble, a good student who listened to his teachers--all this taught me was that it was good to be good. But when I went to graduate school, I began to feel that there might be a problem with only being good. In group work with students who were smart and had strong personalities, I found that the tasks everyone wanted to avoid somehow always fell to me. I kept on telling myself that it was good to do good, but as time went by it started causing me quite a bit of stress. When I opened my heart and spoke honestly to an older friend who was in the same program, he gave me the following advice:
Be good to yourself first, then to others.
It was like
... mehr
being struck by lightning. Up until then, I had only ever worried about what other people thought of me. I had never once thought properly about caring for myself, or loving myself.
When we say that someone is good, we often mean that the person complies with the will of others isn t self-assertivene. In other words, people who are good at suppressing their own desires in deference to another's are the ones who frequently get called good. If someone always listens to me and follows my advice, naturally I like that person and think of him or her as a good person. It seems that good sometimes refers to a person who thinks too much of others to be able to express his or her own will.
While it is not always the case, there is a particular pattern that can be seen in our relationship with whoever raised us as a child. Many who are self-effacing in this way grew up with a dominant father or strong-willed mother. Or as a middle sibling, who received relatively little attention from their parents, giving rise to a strong desire to win their parents' recognition by obeying them in all things. In certain cases, when the parents' own relationship is not good, or the family dynamic is awkward in some way, there are also those who take it upon themselves to make their parents happy by being good.
But the problem is that, by living in accordance with the demands of others, we unwittingly neglect our own desires and needs. If as a child you were indifferent to your own feelings, minimizing them or not considering them important, as an adult you will not be able to tell what it is you yourself want to do, or who you ares as a person. And then when you encounter someone who treats you unfairly or makes things difficult for you, since you do not know how to properly express your own feelings, the anger that ought to be directed
When we say that someone is good, we often mean that the person complies with the will of others isn t self-assertivene. In other words, people who are good at suppressing their own desires in deference to another's are the ones who frequently get called good. If someone always listens to me and follows my advice, naturally I like that person and think of him or her as a good person. It seems that good sometimes refers to a person who thinks too much of others to be able to express his or her own will.
While it is not always the case, there is a particular pattern that can be seen in our relationship with whoever raised us as a child. Many who are self-effacing in this way grew up with a dominant father or strong-willed mother. Or as a middle sibling, who received relatively little attention from their parents, giving rise to a strong desire to win their parents' recognition by obeying them in all things. In certain cases, when the parents' own relationship is not good, or the family dynamic is awkward in some way, there are also those who take it upon themselves to make their parents happy by being good.
But the problem is that, by living in accordance with the demands of others, we unwittingly neglect our own desires and needs. If as a child you were indifferent to your own feelings, minimizing them or not considering them important, as an adult you will not be able to tell what it is you yourself want to do, or who you ares as a person. And then when you encounter someone who treats you unfairly or makes things difficult for you, since you do not know how to properly express your own feelings, the anger that ought to be directed
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Autoren-Porträt von Haemin Sunim
Haemin Sunim
Bibliographische Angaben
- Autor: Haemin Sunim
- 2020, 272 Seiten, mit farbigen Abbildungen, Maße: 12,6 x 17,7 cm, Kartoniert (TB), Englisch
- Übersetzer: Haemin Sunim, Deborah Smith
- Verlag: PENGUIN BOOKS
- ISBN-10: 0143132296
- ISBN-13: 9780143132295
- Erscheinungsdatum: 21.01.2020
Sprache:
Englisch
Pressezitat
The struggle for self-compassion can be difficult for even the most enlightened among us. . . . As Haemin Sunim explains throughout his book, self-compassion does not mean being selfish. It s only when we take care of ourselves, he explains, that we can care for others. The New York TimesA real treasure. It teaches us that compassion is at the heart of healing . . . starting with ourselves. I highly recommend this book. Christiane Northrup, MD, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Women s Bodies, Women s Wisdom
A treasure! I don t have to be perfect? What incredible news. This book hit me like a ton of bricks and made many anxieties melt away. Neil Pasricha, New York Times bestselling author of The Book of Awesome and The Happiness Equation
You can be the most amazing human being in the world and everyone sees rays of light, love, and genius when they look at you, but if you yourself don t know it, all of that external admiration doesn t matter one bit. Haemin Sunim teaches you ways to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you. It makes a world of difference. Marc and Angel Chernoff, New York Times bestselling authors of Getting Back to Happy
Haemin Sunim is the real deal. The simplicity and beauty of his teachings go straight to the heart. Keep this book close by it will awaken wisdom and deepen your love of life. Tara Brach, bestselling author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge
A wonderful book to accompany The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down. Zen teacher Haemin Sunim describes with great clarity the suffocating effect of perfectionism how damaging it is to think your worth as a person is solely dependent on how you perform. Then, page by page, he shows you how to reclaim your freedom and your life. Mark Williams, co-author of Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World
Heartwarming, calming and . .
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. filled with wisdom and powerful truths. Héctor García, co-author of Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life
The Buddha, somewhat rebelliously, declared that, instead of a god or guru, the starting point of our path to awakening is our very own imperfections. I m so happy to see Haemin Sunim giving fresh voice to practices that help us befriend ourselves, so that we can become our own best caregivers. Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche, author of Emotional Rescue and Rebel Buddha
Beyond all barriers of culture and religions, Love for Imperfect Things speaks to every human heart, because Haemin Sunim speaks from the innermost heart the heart of compassion. Brother David Steindl-Rast, OSB, author of Gratefulness, the Heart of Prayer
An invaluable gift for all of us . . . Haemin Sunim has hit it out of the park again by offering sound pragmatic advice in an insightful, accessible manner. . . . This book needs to be at every bedside so that we can all go to sleep with a smile. Allan Lokos, founder and guiding teacher, Community Meditation Center, NYC; author of Through the Flames, Patience, and Pocket Peace
Beautifully wise insights into how we re all perfectly imperfect. A masterclass in letting go. As soothing to my whirring must do better! mind as slipping into a hot bath when I m cold. Catherine Gray, author of The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober
Haemin Sunim writes beautifully and simply so these vital life lessons resonate easily and deeply. Miranda Hart, author of Is It Just Me?
Relatable and valuable . . . Zen Buddhist teacher Sunim looks tantalizingly at essential yet everyday aspects of the human experience in this lively book of reflections. . . . In addition to stories from Sunim s own life, the book contains thought-provoking aphorisms. . . . A breezy book with generally helpful reminders, wise advice, and pithy sayings to soothe the challenges of hectic life. Publishers Weekly
Wisdom to apply to everyday life . . . Quick, easy lessons for developing and increasing our practice of empathy toward ourselves and others. Library Journal
Sunim . . . writes with an inviting and gentle voice that is akin to a warm embrace. . . . Although many self-help books preach triumphal purpose-seeking, Sunim astonishes by saying, I don t think life has something grand in store for me. . . . The book is worth repeated readings on a commuter train, at bedtime, or as part of a morning routine. Booklist
A treasure . . . A beautiful guide to being kinder, more polite and along the way even unlocking higher thoughts . . . This is one [book] that you want to linger over, hold onto, keep on the nightstand. It can, and should, be opened regularly. NJ Advance Media
[A] gentle, kindhearted guide to inner peace. BookPage
In these snark-saturated times, it s cheering that a voice as quietly friendly as Haemin s can make you a mega-celebrity. . . . Haemin is especially eloquent on life s smaller dissatisfactions, and how they can sometimes be trickier to deal with than the bigger, more dramatic ones. The Guardian
Brimming with brilliant spiritual advice, maxims, and wisdom. Laden with life lessons about how to embrace the imperfect because our flaws are what make us unique this book is ideal for those who are too tough on themselves. Bustle
Bite-size Buddhism mindfulness for the modern age. The Observer
The Buddha, somewhat rebelliously, declared that, instead of a god or guru, the starting point of our path to awakening is our very own imperfections. I m so happy to see Haemin Sunim giving fresh voice to practices that help us befriend ourselves, so that we can become our own best caregivers. Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche, author of Emotional Rescue and Rebel Buddha
Beyond all barriers of culture and religions, Love for Imperfect Things speaks to every human heart, because Haemin Sunim speaks from the innermost heart the heart of compassion. Brother David Steindl-Rast, OSB, author of Gratefulness, the Heart of Prayer
An invaluable gift for all of us . . . Haemin Sunim has hit it out of the park again by offering sound pragmatic advice in an insightful, accessible manner. . . . This book needs to be at every bedside so that we can all go to sleep with a smile. Allan Lokos, founder and guiding teacher, Community Meditation Center, NYC; author of Through the Flames, Patience, and Pocket Peace
Beautifully wise insights into how we re all perfectly imperfect. A masterclass in letting go. As soothing to my whirring must do better! mind as slipping into a hot bath when I m cold. Catherine Gray, author of The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober
Haemin Sunim writes beautifully and simply so these vital life lessons resonate easily and deeply. Miranda Hart, author of Is It Just Me?
Relatable and valuable . . . Zen Buddhist teacher Sunim looks tantalizingly at essential yet everyday aspects of the human experience in this lively book of reflections. . . . In addition to stories from Sunim s own life, the book contains thought-provoking aphorisms. . . . A breezy book with generally helpful reminders, wise advice, and pithy sayings to soothe the challenges of hectic life. Publishers Weekly
Wisdom to apply to everyday life . . . Quick, easy lessons for developing and increasing our practice of empathy toward ourselves and others. Library Journal
Sunim . . . writes with an inviting and gentle voice that is akin to a warm embrace. . . . Although many self-help books preach triumphal purpose-seeking, Sunim astonishes by saying, I don t think life has something grand in store for me. . . . The book is worth repeated readings on a commuter train, at bedtime, or as part of a morning routine. Booklist
A treasure . . . A beautiful guide to being kinder, more polite and along the way even unlocking higher thoughts . . . This is one [book] that you want to linger over, hold onto, keep on the nightstand. It can, and should, be opened regularly. NJ Advance Media
[A] gentle, kindhearted guide to inner peace. BookPage
In these snark-saturated times, it s cheering that a voice as quietly friendly as Haemin s can make you a mega-celebrity. . . . Haemin is especially eloquent on life s smaller dissatisfactions, and how they can sometimes be trickier to deal with than the bigger, more dramatic ones. The Guardian
Brimming with brilliant spiritual advice, maxims, and wisdom. Laden with life lessons about how to embrace the imperfect because our flaws are what make us unique this book is ideal for those who are too tough on themselves. Bustle
Bite-size Buddhism mindfulness for the modern age. The Observer
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