Squirm

some reading about this, how it can mess up a person when his parents split, especially when one of them basically vanishes from the family scene. I don t want to be one of those screwed-up kids, but I can t rule out the possibility.

 

Mom doesn t say much about Dad. The checks always show up on time--the tenth of the month--and they never bounce. We might not be rich, but we re definitely not poor. You wouldn t believe how many pairs of shoes my sister owns. God, I give her so much grief.

 

The way I look at it, Mom doesn t get a free pass just because she doesn t want to talk about my father. That s not what you d call a healthy, open approach to an issue. So I stay on her case, though not in a mean way.

 

What does he do for a living? I ll say, like I ve never asked before.

 

Well, Billy, I m not exactly sure what he does, she ll begin in the same tight voice, but I can tell you what he doesn t do.

 

Over time, based on my mother s commentary, I ve scratched the following professions off my Phantom Father list:

 

Astronaut, quantum physicist, lawyer, doctor, heavy-metal guitarist, veterinarian, architect, hockey player, NASCAR driver, jockey, plumber, roofer, electrician, pilot, policeman, car salesman, and yoga instructor.

 

Mom says Dad s too claustrophobic to be an astronaut, too lousy at math to be a quantum physicist, too shy to be a lawyer, too squeamish to be a doctor, too uncoordinated to play the guitar, too tall to be a jockey, too hyper for yoga, and so on.

 

I don t like this game, but I m making progress, information-wise. Mom s still touchy about the subject, so I try to take it easy. Meanwhile, my sister, Belinda, acts like she doesn&rs