The Gift of Forgiveness

It wasn't until Elizabeth was trying to reacclimate to everyday life that she realized her childhood version of forgiveness no longer served her. She realized something crucial: "Forgiveness is not necessarily a two-way street. It's a very personal thing, and you don't need two people for forgiveness to happen." She learned that at the heart of forgiveness is compassion: compassion for the person who harmed you and, more importantly, compassion for yourself. As she told me, "It's loving myself. It's allowing myself to feel whatever emotions I feel and to deal with them. And if it's anger, you know what? I think that is just fine."

When Elizabeth first returned home, her mother told her that she should try her best not to relive her ordeal. Her captors had already taken so much from her; allowing them to maintain their grip on her by revisiting her captivity would be giving them too much control. She knew that staying angry at her captors wouldn't make any difference to them-it wouldn't punish them or erase any of the harm they had caused her. It would only trap her in her own cycle of trauma and rage. For her, holding on to this anger meant that she would never be fully happy: "I'd never be able to enjoy my life." Only once she recognized what was important to her-reclaiming her life-was she able to let go of that anger.

Despite all she went through, Elizabeth was still able to find reasons to be grateful. She pointed out that many kidnappings are committed by someone the victim knows. She told me, "I actually feel so lucky that I was kidnapped and abused by strangers, because most people who have experienced similar things know their captors. For me, I didn't have to have relationships with them. They were out of my life, so that made it much easier." Recognizing such glimmers of light, even in her darkest hours, has helped her on her journey forward.

While Elizabeth has chosen a path of forgiveness toward her captors, she admits that she still has moments when she struggles. She says it's normal for her anger or sadness to overwhelm her at times. "When you have those moments when you feel like you are falling back into anger or sadness," she told me, "allow yourself to feel those feelings, and then love yourself enough to let them go and to try to embrace your life moving forward." She advises people in similar situations to take their time. Working through

Kelly Corrigan, New York Times bestselling author of The Middle Place and Tell Me More

Fascinating, moving, insightful, and immensely liberating. The Gift of Forgiveness will help you become strong at the broken places.
Martha Beck, New York Times bestselling author of Finding Your Own North Star
 
A powerful book that is astonishingly true, real, and uniquely universal. The Gift of Forgiveness shatters the barriers of the preconceived idea of what is or isn t an apology.
Roma Downey, New York Times bestselling author of Box of Butterflies
 
A great book to start a conversation and begin the process of healing. The stories within are illuminating, inspiring, and courageous.
Bob Goff, New York Times bestselling author of Live in Grace, Walk in Love
 
Katherine s book will enlighten, inspire, and ignite your own personal journey with forgiveness.
Judah Smith, pastor, founder of Churchome, and New York Times bestselling author of Jesus Is ___.
 
A must-read for anyone who has struggled with forgiveness in their life, and a necessary reminder for all of us that inner peace begins with self-love.
Mallika Chopra, author of Living with Intent