The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

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Expect to Be Graded on This

The Five Types of Perfectionists

When an inner situation is not made
conscious, it happens outside as fate.

C. G. Jung

A procrastinator perfectionist would experience immense difficulty writing this sentence because it comes at the beginning of a book about perfectionism and, accordingly, needs to be perfect (and there's no better first sentence than the one a procrastinator perfectionist imagines in her head but never actually writes down).

A classic perfectionist writes the first sentence, hates it, tries her best to forget it ever existed, but is inevitably haunted by it for a minimum of eight years.

An intense perfectionist writes it, hates it, and then channels her frustration into aggression about something entirely unrelated.

A Parisian perfectionist pretends not to notice she wrote a first sentence, affecting an air of, "Oh yeah, I guess I did. Huh." Then she secretly, desperately hopes everyone loves it and, as a result, loves her. Who wrote that first sentence? I must be friends with her immediately!

A messy perfectionist writes the first sentence, loves it, and then writes seventeen other, very different versions of the first sentence and loves each one of those and couldn't possibly pick just one because you can't have a favorite child, and those are all her sentence babies.

One thing they all have in common: they might not even know they're perfectionists, nor appreciate all the ways perfectionism can hold them back or allow them to soar, depending on how it's managed.

In the most basic sense, managing your perfectionism looks like becoming aware of the core impulse all perfectionists reflexively experience: noticing room for improvement-Hmm, this could be better-and then consciously responding to that reflex instead of unconsciously reacting to it. Perfectionists are people who consistently notice the difference between an ideal and a reality, and who strive to maintain a high

Katherine Morgan Schafler

Praise for The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

Are you gasp an ambitious perfectionist? Have you tried and failed to find that elusive sense of balance we re all meant to seek? If you answered yes to these questions, this is the book you must read. Morgan Schafler has written the definitive guide for anyone who s ready to walk a crucial pathway: from the appearance of control, to the possession of a quiet power.
--Susan Cain, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Bittersweet and Quiet
 
From an emerging thought leader, an irresistible invitation to reclaim your natural state of wholeness, your joy and your life."
--Deepak Chopra, New York Times bestselling author of Abundance
 
"A valuable, much-needed perspective that gives you permission to be more in a world that's telling you to be less.
--Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
 
"Morgan Schafler lays bare provocative new insights into how "perfectionism" is often just code for "women excelling too much," and identifies the strategies and mindset every high-achieving woman needs to quell her inner critic and embrace her true talents."
--Holly Whitaker, New York Times bestselling author of Quit Like a Woman
 
"An accessible, actionable guide for how to aim high without overthinking or punishing yourself along the way. This book is a must-read for anxious achievers who want to remain ambitious but could operate with a bit more self-compassion."
--Liz Fosslien, coauthor and illustrator of the bestselling books Big Feelings and No Hard Feelings

"A thoroughly original approach to this important topic. Grounded in research, the book uses stories from the author s years as a therapist to illustrate vividly that perfectionism is a phenomenon, not a disorder, and that it can be managed to increase one s power and joy. How I wish this book had been available years ago it