False Claims (ePub)

My name is Richard John Bingham, known to everyone as Dickie. I'm a Curly Watts-lookalike and a high-functioning drunk. I'm also a former Lloyd's underwriter and a convicted bank-note forger, recently released from an extended stay at Her Majesty's pleasure at HMP Belmarsh.

Set in the last few years of the twentieth Century, False Claims provides a dark and witty account of the world's biggest-ever media hoax, which originated in a broom cupboard in the City of London. With help of friends in very low places, I conned thousands of journalists into writing and broadcasting complete fantasy. My aim was simply to earn an honest living and to prove to my probation officer that I was keeping out of trouble.

Whether it was millennium virgin birth, prostitutes getting headache and backache, housewives having the willies put up them, or attack by a yeti, giant crabs or the Loch Ness Monster, I'd concoct false but plausible stories to give everyone a good laugh and provide journalists with the kind of light entertainment they increasingly needed to deliver in the competitive media market.

Typifying my tactics was the occasion when I issued a hoax press release about a football fan who was so concerned about the risk of England's failure to win the World Cup that he insured himself for £1 million against emotional trauma. The story was initially picked up by two dozen British newspapers and was broadcast by terrestrial and satellite channels in the UK. Within seven days, it had appeared in 160 countries across six continents and was translated into more than 200 languages.

Overwhelmingly, I found journalists to be clever, witty, diligent and great company. Some of them even appreciated my efforts. For instance, BBC Radio Four's Today presenter Susan winked at me during an interview about my hoax £1 million pay-out to Joe Carpenter who, I alleged, had been abducted on Christmas Eve by a star-shaped alien spacecraft that came from the East, witnessed by a Mr. Wiseman and his two brothers.

I quit media-hoaxing in 1999, but like so many British comedies, my false claims are forever being repeated.