Sharing it all (PDF)

I realize more and more that to some degree psychol­ ogists study their own lives. My first studies in the mid-1970s looked at the conflicts that emerge in dual­ career couples as the partners combine their various roles. Ideas for the early studies initially came from con­ versations with clients, friends, and people I met trav­ eling. Soon after the topic of dual careers came up, dis­ cussions of guilt and frustration followed. The partici­ pants in my first studies turned out to be predominantly women. Men expressed little interest in participating. A common response was, "Talk to my wife. " 7 8 PREFACE Ostensibly, husbands saw their partners, but not themselves, as dealing with conflicting roles. Although I presumed this to be somewhat true, I knew from ob­ serving my own husband that my having a career had an immeasurable impact on him. Were men denying something? Were women overly sensitive? Discussions with my husband, which helped me to get a better grasp on what male partners might be feeling, planted the seed for my subsequent book on men in dual-career 1 families, published in 1985. In gathering material for that book, I was struck by the contrast with men's ear­ lier disinterest. Husbands appeared eager to talk about their lives. Their greatest concern-what happens to the children?-became the focus of my last set of studies. Why this book? "Sharing it all" symbolizes the es­ sence of a two-career marriage.