Tucker Teaches the Clockies to Copulate (ePub)

Reviews:

"["Tucker Teaches the Clockies to Copulate"] is at one level nearly wacky, but it has deeper concerns, reflected in the examination of the treatment of such disadvantaged individuals as alcoholics, Confederate veterans, the Chinese, Jews, and of course clockwork ex-soldiers. It all comes together very effectively." -- Rich Horton, Locus, July 2008 (Recommended Story)

"The story is poignant, sad and funny, bitter and hopeful, and altogether amazing in its examination of exactly what it means to be human--and to live among humans." -- Sherwood Smith, The Fix, May 16, 2008.

"By turns filthy and laugh-out-loud funny, the bawdy humour gradually gives way to a deeper sadness. An outstanding story." -- Colin Harvey, Suite101, August 19, 2008.

"The longest story ever in an issue of Paradox, and it is well worth it. . . . The story is frequently humorous but takes on a serious tone, giving us something truly memorable." -- Sam Tomaino, SFRevu, May 29, 2008.

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In this celebrated alternate history, a lonely veterinarian recounts a mischievous Confederate veteran's attempts to teach clockwork soldiers to make nice with their neighbors.

The long Civil War is finally over, thanks to the brutal battlefield efficiency of the clockwork soldiers of Sherman's Terrible Mechanical Corps. Many decommissioned "clockies" have fled West to live out their retirement peacefully. A small enclave settles near Lost Creek, Utah, and is accepted as a tolerable nuisance by their Mormon neighbors—until Dickie Tucker, a crippled Confederate veteran, takes it upon himself to teach these machines the art and craft of being, or at least seeming, human.

Lois Tilton wrote in the Internet Review of Science Fiction that this novella is "dark comedy, wonderfully absurd, riotously bawdy, populated by a full set of fantastically flawed characters, such as Two-Ton Sadie the madam, who helps [Dickie] demonstrate the art of copulation, and 'Rabbi' Emet Kohen, who ministers to a congregation of Hebrew Zunis. Yet it is also a poignant tale of wanting to belong, wanting to be counted as a human among humans."

Other stories set in this clockwork universe have appeared in the VanderMeer Steampunk anthologies and Asimov's Science Fiction.